Anger Management Issues?

Just as I sat down to post this, I got called out to the garden to capture a rattlesnake who was hiding amongst the rocks...Hmmm...Leave a comment below if you know what that means;)

Yesterday I got mad.  That might not sound like a big deal, but I’m not someone who generally gets mad.  In fact, before this year, I would have said that I almost never got mad.  And it turns out that during this year, I have been holding back my anger and keeping it in, dealing with it through prayer, meditation, communion with nature, ceremony…but it had not entirely gone away. 

I can see that the things that I am mad about are ultimately for my highest good.  And I know from my meditations and the things I have been practicing for years that my perception of my reality is what makes it so…SO, I have worked very hard to accept, to surrender, to see the positive light in all that has happened to me, all that I have CHOSEN.  I have been stubbornly resisting the temptation to fall into victim mode, to blame and point fingers and…

Let myself get ANGRY. 

I also have a built in mechanism that my friend Josh Radnor calls “I blame myself first.”  Whenever something is wrong or not working and I am involved, I blame myself.  Now, there may be a very noble and courageous side to “taking full responsibility” for everything, and there is a certain truth to this practice.  However, I tend to slip down the slippery slope of self criticism, guilt, and judgement all to rapidly and before I know it I am…well…mad at myself. 

So it’s not entirely true that I don’t get mad, because I can see in this moment that I spend a great deal of time being mad at myself for things I haven’t done, things I’ve done “wrong” or things I have failed at doing.   This year I have been faced with a great deal of what I have been calling failure, and hence, a great deal of inwardly directed anger. 

And ultimately, that is still what I am dealing with, even after yesterday was over.  That is the part I really have to overcome, the compassion I really have to generate.  Compassion and forgiveness for others is easy.  Well, it feels easy to me, at least in comparison with the bigger task of forgiving me. 

But to return to yesterday, which was not a pretty day, I crossed the threshold of withhold…

As Alexander would say, it was a “terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.”

I decided, or rather, surrendered, into letting myself be really mad.  I let myself walk through the desolate and dreary landscape and the inner inferno of getting downright pissy like a cat on a hot tin roof and there was literally nothing I could do to stop it.  Except turn it inward, which felt extremely dangerous, maybe even life threatening. 

I know from years of studying Chinese medicine what anger can do to your insides, like:  stop everything from moving, and create the kind of friction that eventually leads to an outbreak of an internal wildfire.   AND, I know from Shamanism that Anger can also be understood as an Allied spirit, one that comes to visit when our boundaries have been crossed, when we have allowed our boundaries to be crossed, and when we need to stand up and recreate our sacred space.

But all that seemed like gobbelty gook in the face of my fury.   

So what to do when you feel like that?  I don’t know.   I don’t think I had been that pissed off since I was about 4 years old and I felt my mom was being completely unreasonable by my standards and I had a moment where I grabbed a sharp knife that I had hidden under a couch, and thought about turning it on myself to try and stop the pain of being me. 

Mad with a Capital M. 

Well, I guess I haven’t changed that much.  I headed into the only safe place I could think of to let it out, to give it back to the earth to be recycled:  my garden.   I found a knife that (coincidentally?) I had hidden from myself until very recently…and sharpened up that rusty machete.  I had a pile of cutbacks from overgrown trees that has been driving me crazy for months and I went at that mess like I was Kali on the hunt for heads.  I don’t know what I was saying but there was spit flying and I just kept praying that nobody would stumble upon me in this state…I might have ended up in the Cuckoo’s nest.  After about an hour of wreaking havoc in the garden, making piles of firewood and slashing back a few overgrown trees and shrubs, I found myself empty and dissolving, paused without thought and without anyone else to yell at.   

But my heart was killing me.  Like, I could barely stand the feeling of ache that was pounding within. 

Now this is the moment where I may have done something right.  I don’t recommend getting a hold of a big sharp knife when you are mad.   I do, however,  recommend getting into your body moving and finding something that allows you to take out your aggression in a way that doesn’t hurt anyone, including thyself.  And that may actually be a prerequisite to receiving the benefits of the next step in this anger management exercise. 

So, what I did next came like a flash from a brutally scalding sweatlodge I was naïve enough to jump into without appropriately taking stock of myself or the situation.  It was several years ago and my eagerness for the experience overshadowed my common sense and before I knew it I was screaming for help as my face began to blister and melt off  with the intensity of the steam coming off the rocks.  Someone more experienced than me said… “Get down”  Oh.  Seems obvious now.  But in that moment of freaking fear and temptation to point a finger and say “You crazy medicine man you are burning my face off!” the Truth was actually entirely different…

Get down to the earth and pray for your life.  Humble thyself at the feet of the Divine Mother and let go of those fears, angers, upsets, and even the conversation about how stupid you are to get yourself into this mess and PRAY.   Dig into the dirt if you have to…find your way to the feet of the Mother.   Give it all back to her to be decomposed into fertile soil for the seeds of resurrection. 

So yesterday, in that moment of clearing, I instinctively laid my body down on the ground, still wet from the previous night’s rain and hot with the morning’s sun.  I dug a hole big enough to fit my face snugly into and I started to yell.  I would have thought I would need like an hour of yelling, but it was really just a couple of good hollers…and then the coughing, spitting, energetic purging of just giving that feeling that was stuck in my chest back to the earth to be composted, recycled, renewed…truly this is one of the most amazing gifts of the Mother, that she receives whatever we have to unload and she turns it back into black gold.  Fertilizer for the next round of flowers, the next season’s fruits, the new seeds about to sprout. 

In a dramatic display of archetypal courage, I buried that goo in the hole and then raised my sword for the final blow.   Dramatic pause…well, not so dramatic, ‘cause I’m still here.  What died in that hole beneath the blade of my machete was the ego of self directed anger…well…at least one or two of it’s ugly faces.  And the parts of me that secretly were still wanting to blame someone else for my fate, my circustances, my life.  No.  I take full responsibility. I’m drawing the line at self destructive thoughts and blame, committing to upholding my self respect and creating new healthy boundaries within which I can begin to grow again.  And…

I forgive myself.  Ouch.  That still has a sting to it.  But I’m sticking to it. 

When I stood up I must admit I looked like I had been through a harrowing fight.  I somehow nicked my cheek with a branch or the machete and a drip of blood was running down my face.  I was covered in bark and dirt and my eyes were swollen like I had been crying for hours.  But I felt…better.  And isn’t that really the metaphor?  Who are we battling in life but ourselves?  I can’t say the rest of my day was a cakewalk, but I can say that today has been a dramatic improvement from yesterday, and that I feel like something large has lifted.    

I did go for a run at the end of my day that pushed me over the edge of exhaustion and forced me into the surrender of the embrace of the Divine Feminine.  She was begging for me to just lay my head down and cry, to rest my weary bones, to allow myself to be held.  And even after all my battle antics I continued to resist her comfort…until I had gone and run hard, pushed my body to the place where it can hold no more...exerted myself to the maximum so that there was nothing left but to let go…  Maybe that’s a man thing.   But it worked.  

Thank you Divine Mother for keeping me safe, for receiving me always, and for restoring to me the virtues that were trapped inside the egos of Anger. 

Today I can feel compassion returning.  New possibility opening.  My perception of the world has shifted subtly but dramatically.  I can feel self love beginning to resurface.  I can sense that forgiveness is not just a euphemism.  And maybe by tonight I’ll be able to look myself in the mirror…

And laugh. 

Happy Monday.  

Eric

PS.  If you need help going deeper, check out the offerings on OjaiMedicineWheel.com

--
Eric Baumgartner L.Ac.
Ojai Medicine Wheel
medicinemanojai@gmail.com
877.820.4845
OjaiMedicineWheel.com

"The power of Love guides us.  The power of Love protects us.  The power of Love illuminates us."

Are you wearing Protection?

(AKA are you being a Victim?)

If the answer is already Yes, and you know you need help, you can skip this message and go straight to the remedy.

I just returned from a powerful pilgrimage to the sacred city of Rome, where, among many reminders of a once great civilization, I was struck by a deep sense of recognition in each of the many facades of a fallen Empire.

Just as our current American worldview dominates the global paradigm in this age, so Rome occupied the center of it’s universe for a moment in time. I could almost glimpse the fast forward to our great American cities in ruins as we follow the legacy of a great Empire in its inevitable decline due to excess, corruption, and resistance to change.

There is no “They”

It has been my recent and longtime practice to take the outer “reality” as a reflection of what is happening within, so I have been looking deeply at my unwillingness to change, my falling empire, my corruption and excess.

Part of what triggers me is the masculine ideal of conquest, the drive to create an “empire” that is ultimately unsustainable and eternally insatiable in its appetite for control and power. All this is done under the pretense of protecting the world from barbarians, communists, rebels, terrorists… Though I cannot claim to occupy the throne of any empire, I recently came to terms with my inner drive to be the Protector and how much I identified that role with my worth as a man.


Protecting the Victim

As it turns out, I was acting in many subtle ways to protect those around me: from conflict, from failure, from pain, from ridicule, from confrontation, from loss, from rejection. This was almost unconscious, but when I began to see how much energy I was putting out to keep others safe, happy, I realized I was exhausted. And, at the same time, I got in touch with a deep sense of failure, because I could see that I was NOT able to protect them from any of the things I was working so hard to avoid. My imaginary empire had already been infiltrated by the supposed enemy.

What’s worse? By holding so much energy around this archaic model of manhood I realized that I was keeping each of my loved ones that I was “protecting” in the place of victim, acting myself as some glorified rescuer, and empowering the idea that they were somehow being attacked by the world, rather than seeing their challenges as opportunities for their growth and personal evolution.

Ooh…wait…I’m doing this to myself, too, aren’t I? Ouch.

And, to add a little lemon juice in the wound, in a fantastically ironical twist, I was also cast in a recent family drama in the role of perpetrator, barbarian, just so I could feel the full insanity of the triangulation of the victim-attacker-rescuer inferno…and finally make the choice to step out of the triangle.


No Exit?

It’s not easy…and it’s not always obvious, in fact, it’s incredibly sneaky.

On the other hand, I realized that if I can look at my life and identify a perpetrator, or anyone I are trying to rescue/protect, or my own wish to be rescued/protected…I am in the triangle. And, I am in the downward spiral of a falling Empire based on the illusion of victimization and protection.

And let me just add…this is not new to me. I have known about this for years, thought I was out of it, beyond it, and above it. Dig deeper.

Look into this Archetype of Protector: Who was I protecting? Myself? My loved ones? Certainly we protect our hearts once they have been hurt, and we tell ourselves the story over and over of how we have been the victims of someone else’s insensitivity or worse. We dress our hearts in the invisible armor of the gladiators, and set out to save and protect the world from the pain we have had to endure.

Roma || amoR

Once we have created a fortress around ourselves, sealed ourselves in the tower, and have eradicated the dangers from our surroundings, we fall into complacency and comfort and the inevitability of our demise. Wow…that sounds cynical, but truly this is not a doomsday prophesy. Rather, this is a call to shed the artifices of a dying worldview, to recreate the way we relate to one another and ourselves, and to begin to rebuild an Empire whose foundation is Love and not Fear.

Rome was NOT built in a day, my friends.

The good news is the Empire is not external, but internal. Ours is the inner work of rebuilding the temples and palaces of our internal world. We need to set about reclaiming, reconquering our inner territories in the name of Love, tearing down the walls of fear and Protection and domination and corruption that have too long kept our hearts in chains. Yes, the less good news is that before we can build a New World, we have to destroy the old. And that can be a difficult and painful process. But as always, the suffering is optional.

AND, the consolation prize is Grand: we are NOT ALONE.

In fact, we are all equally responsible for the remodel, all in the river together, and though the urgency for change is greater than ever so is the level of support and guidance that is available. I have found infinite value in being held accountable, and in committing to a process of healing and transformation during times of change.

If you are in need of a guide, a reflection, a partner, a facilitator, and/or a medicine man to support you on this journey, I am opening up a few spaces in my private practice to accelerate this process of rebuilding. My specialty is getting to the root, so we can lay a new foundation.

The beautiful thing about Rome is that layers upon layers have been build above the ruins of the ancient Capitol, and the modern mecca hums with a new and wisened evolution of it’s timeless beauty. The FALL is not a FAIL, and it is not the END, by any means. Our new inner city will arise from the rubble of this transition.

What IS so:

There is a law called gravity that says what goes UP must come DOWN.

And there is a converse law of Spirituality that says, in order to go UP, you must first go DOWN.

It is time to rebuild the foundations. No amount of effort we make to avoid the fall will prevent us from having to face the consequences of our past.

If you are at the bottom, and needing support to begin to rebuild…
OR if you are at the top, and feeling the castles made of sand beneath you…
OR if you are somewhere in the middle, and protecting yourself from inevitable change…

What I am offering:

We are ONE and the same. And, I am available to help, and I am inclined to heavily discount a powerful series of healing sessions for a few motivated individuals, but I only have a few spaces.
Please check out the offering at the OjaiMedicineWheel.com website.

This is the moment to take advantage of the medicine of the Sacred Ojai Valley as we approach the Summer Solstice and the fullness of our Solar expression. Time to get ready to SHINE.

I honor you as King and Queen, and creator of your New Empire. Let’s clear the palette so we can cocreate this New World together.

In service, in reverence, in gratitude, in Love,

Eric

If...When.

If by Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

Happy Spring, all you Change makers out there, I am posting today with two powerful invitations as the sky opens up between rainstorms, and the rainbows renew our covenant with Spirit.  We are charged with this moment of momentous opportunity, and faced with the unavoidable reality of the situation we have gotten ourselves into...  Luckily, it's all perfectly designed to wake us up to our greater plan, the part of us that is the Hero who arrives on the scene when things are looking more than grim.  Why we waited until now is a mystery, and the only way to solve it is to get immediately into action, taking full advantage of the expanding energy of Spring, getting out of our own way, and donning our capes and goggles to get SUPER on the situation.

Please consider these two upcoming opportunities to step back onto the path of the Hero's journey, to remember your connection and trust in Nature, in your Heart, and in why you chose to be here on Earth at this exact time and place.

And take in a healthy dose of this rushing river that has been doing its Spring Cleaning and calling us to do the same. 

FIND YOUR MEDICINE WEEKEND

March 25th 6pm-March 27th ~2pm

Cost: $400 (10% off until March 13th; 2-pay option available on request.)

For anyone who can't come Friday, Sat. arrival is an option.  9am arrival Sat. Mar. 26  $350. 

**Limited number of scholarships/work-trade available. 

Includes all organic vegetarian meals, and camping or yurt accomodations.  

To register for the full weekend, March 25-27 Click below: 

To register for Saturday Arrival, March 26-27, Click below:

**To receive a $50 discount per person when registering as a couple or as friends, enter coupon code SERPENT

Find Your Medicine is a weekend immersion into our deep connection with the Earth, with the elements, with Spirit, and an opportunity to get an Eagle's eye view of the Medicine Wheel.  We will be sitting in Council with the Sacred Fire, activating our divine genetics with Shamanic Acupuncture, making friends with the spirits of native plant medicines, eating local organic food, and even returning to the womb in a Sweat Lodge ceremony with Dr. Tudor Marinescu.

The Wheel is where East meets West, and the medicine traditions of the North meet the ancestral ways of the South.  In this Sacred Valley, the Eagle and Condor are prophesied to fly together, and the new Civilization is birthing as we speak.  During this weekend, we will listen deeply to the land, to our hearts, and reveal the Medicine that is all around and more importantly, within us. 

This weekend is for you if:

• You have been feeling disconnected from the Earth, nature, Spirit. 
• You have a calling that has been on the back burner for too long.
• Something has told you that you are or have been a shaman...
• You are ready to move beyond old patterns of scarcity, separation, and suffering.  
• You've been in the city too long, and need a weekend sleeping on the Earth and living in ceremony.  

The intention is for this to be an intimate and powerful initiation into the Medicine Wheel journey, and all proceeds from this weekend will go to support the land, the Wheel, and it's stewards.  I have made it as affordable as possible, and if you are able to commit sooner than later, I can offer an additional 10% discount and a 2-pay  option.

Testimonial from our last Find Your Medicine Weekend:

"Sacred. Truth. Vision. Inner-knowing. Home. These are a few offerings that come forward when I recall my journey with Eric and the many dimensions and teachings of the Ojai Medicine Wheel. The integration of my own spiritual path with the wisdom that Eric brought to my awareness was truly inspirational and continues to resonate with such humbling authenticity. I have such deep gratitude for being able to access these teachings as needed knowing that I am not only a medicine keeper, but am the medicine itself. Blessings to your journey, Kevin Raich"

********************

Mondays from 7-8pm starting March 28th 2011 for 4 weeks, concluding April 18th. 

Recordings will be available if you cannot listen live.

To REGISTER click on the link below.

The hawks are courting, the hummingbirds diving and dancing, wildflowers bursting and the sweet perfume of jasmine, jimson, and orange blossoms perfumes the air as I open the door each morning.  Yes, my friends, the sweet season of Spring is upon us. 

The teachings of the Medicine Wheel always show us that as "above, so below," as without, so within... So as I stand here admiring the beauty and movement of the season's signs on the outside, I tune in to their movement within.

In Chinese Medicine, the motion of Spring is connected to the element of Wood, which moves like a sprouting sprout, up and out, expanding in all directions.  Such is the movement of the trees, the weeds, the animals, and the movement that is compelling each of us in this moment to think about growth, expansion, new horizons, and reaching for the light.  

Mulberries in all directions

The garden tells me that before new growth can happen, or in order that it happen in a positive and focused direction, I need to get to pruning and weeding and clearing out the old growth of last season.  things will grow and expand in all directions, shoots and weeds and sprouts by the millions, but then later in the season I find that nothing ever came into full fruition.  I have learned from experience that it is wiser to choose the areas that we want things to grow, focus our energy and expansion into those few, achievable, sustainable areas, and prune out the rest so that those things have room to fully develop and ultimately fruit. 

Please compost last year's remnants here...

For me, learning comes from the land, from nature, and from listening to our inner seasons.  Inspiration comes in moments when I create the space for deep listening, deep connection, and true communion.  There is always a bigger picture, a greater plan that we are a part of, though we are not often aware of it in our day to day hustle.


And for most of us, especially in this moment of Spring, there is a deep calling to grow, expand, to evolve, to respond to the catastrophic and cataclysmic moment, to embody the Hero's Journey and bring our Medicine to the moment.  We have been in the work, in the healing, in the transfomation for weeks, months, even years, and we know that the world needs us desperately. 

So if you find yourself in that moment, just below the surface, still feeling buried in the dirt, or not knowing which direction to expand, where or how to share your gifts, or what exactly is your Medicine, I offer you this moment as an opportunity to return to nature, immerse yourself in Spring, gather the energy of the season and push through into the Light.

This is exactly what we will be doing next weekend in Ojai around the Medicine Wheel, taking time to connect with the land and the spirits, the elements and the Truth that dwells in the center.  Find Your Medicine is an immersion into ceremony, sacred relationship, and the space your heart has been longing for to find its voice.

Great Grandmother Oak

Join us as we begin this epic Hero's Journey, bursting through the self limiting beliefs into the unlimited potential of our divine genetics and destiny.  This is an intimate weekend for healing, heart centered communication, and gathering the tools to recreate your way of walking in the world. 

Get outside, listen, remember.  And if this calls to you, start pushing those clumps of dirt out of the way, pruning back that old growth, and weeding out that garden, so you can find your light, find your medicine, and find your way to the Ojai Medicine Wheel. 

Happy Spring from the Sacred Valley. 

eric

Eagle eye view from Meditation Mount

Can you Read the SIGNS??

The signs are all around us. 

We can look to our ancestors for prophesies that speak of this time of change, transformation, and the birth of a new world. 

We can look at the world and see the spirit of revolution rising to the surface, old systems falling, failing, and new hope emerging.   

We can look to our lives and see great shifts, unforseen changes, endings, beginnings, and rebirths. 

We can look to nature, and see the climate evolving, seeking balance, giving voice to the turmoil that so many feel within. 

We can look to our bodies, and listen to the subtle and not so subtle ways that they are calling us to a sustainable way of life. 

Yesterday I spent the whole day in jammies with my kids, listening to the ebb and flow of rainfall, tending the fire, and taking it slow.  When we finally made it outdoors for a walk down to the riverbed it was nearly sunset, and the mountains emerged from the cloud cover just enough to reveal their snowcaps.  I am always listening and looking for signs, and a giant rainstorm, followed by the flowing of our seasonal creek after weeks of being dry, followed by snowcaps on the mountains, and a beautiful sunset...all these are good signs.  And then the topper was this giant eagle that my daughter spotted swooping over us to land on the telephone pole along the street.  We stood and watched as it proceeded to settle in for an evening snack, having just come fresh from the hunt.  We even walked around and got right underneath this massive bird as it threw chunks of fur into the air and they drifted down to meet us. 

So there are signs, and then there are SIGNS.   An eagle eating a rabbit after a rainstorm qualifies as a SIGN in my book, and set me to thinking about what indeed was the message from this monumental visit.  Because Signs for me are like Medicine: take them right, and they cure what ails you.  Take them wrong, and you are in a world of hurt. 

So I'd like to share a couple little things about signs, which may seem obvious, but sometimes, that's exactly what we need: to master the obvious. 

• The first thing about signs is, they are no help if you don't know how to read them.  Which is ok, if you just don't read them.  
• The second thing is, lots of times we think we know how to read them, and we don't, or we only sorta do, which can create even more of a problem than if we just ignored the signs altogether. 
• The third thing is that if we don't know how to read the signs, more often than not we assume they are saying whatever it is that we want to hear, or whatever story we are looking to reinforce or make right. 

So rather than pointing us in the right direction, signs have the potential to send us right over the edge if we are not careful. 

The good thing about signs is this, perhaps equally obvious, but we are on a road to mastery, right?

• Signs are always in a language.
• Signs are generally made to be SIMPLE. 
• Signs are not alone...they usually come in groups. 

So my SIGN came in the language of Nature, which fortunately I have been studying for a number of years.  I can't say that I am completely fluent, which has it's inherent dangers as we mentioned, but there is one more thing that applies to signs from nature, which is that we always have a translator. 

Nature speaks the language of the Heart. 

So, all we need to do to read the signs of Nature is to be in the Heart.  Sounds easy enough, but we all know that getting from the mind to the Heart has its lion's share of challenges. 

As it turns out, there is a SIMPLE solution to this, and an underlying message from all signs in nature, which is calling us into our Hearts, and simultaneously back into Nature.  

Because one of the easiest, and most reliable ways to get into our Hearts, is to get into Nature.  And the more time we spend learning the language of Nature, the more we know about the language of the Heart. 

Simple, right? 

And again, since Signs are not alone, we have a kind of built in insurance policy that protects us from misreading signs as long as we keep looking, listening, reading, and conversing with Nature in the language of the Heart.  Nature will keep sending signs until there is no shadow of a doubt left as to what the Simple clear message is.  

Mine was clear.  I needed to write to you to extend one more invitation to join us in Nature for a lesson in the language of the Heart, in understanding the Signs of the Ancestors, of Revolution, of Nature, of our bodies...a weekend to Find your Medicine.  Registration closes this Tuesday, and we only have a few spots left for this intimate weekend immersion in the Heart of Nature.   (Feb. 25-27th at the Ojai Medicine Wheel. )

And, I need to make time to get into Nature by myself, because my Heart has a bigger message that it is ready to share, but I have to take time to listen, more signs to come...or else I'm gonna get torn up like a little bunny rabbit and find my fur in chunks on the roadside. 

Sometimes nature can be brutally honest.  :)

One more thing about signs, and then I'm done.  When you ignore them, they get louder, and more brutally honest. 

So if you have been getting the signs, and have been ignoring them, this is my friendly reminder to listen to your Heart, and follow the signs.  They are all around us, and there are some that are just for you.  Don't be distracted by billboards and neon lights, just follow the SIGNS and Find your Medicine. 

From the Heart of Nature, and a Dad who's still in his jammies,

eric

Doing it All Wrong...

Sometimes you just have to accept that things are not what you thought they were going to be...

Some lessons, I say to my stubborn self, I must really need to learn the hard way. 

I'm a guy who sees big, sees the horizon, Eagle eye to the bigger plan unfolding.  But sometimes, as my good friend D Miller of Project Butterfly pointed out to me the other day, I forget to take the steps to get there, thinking I can jump right from here to the horizon in one leap.  (we've got wings, right?)

So it occurred with the program I offered recently, The World of the Serpent, which is the first in a 5 part Medicine Wheel training series.  I got so much amazing feedback, but also a lot of questions which made me realize that it wasn't even totally clear what the Medicine Wheel IS!   Right...So...Any good journey must start from the beginning, and luckily one of my gifts is adaptability.  Like the water, I go with the flow, and in the Spirit of the Serpent, which is about shedding the past, and being vulnerable, and finding our power, I've recreated the upcoming weekend.

Find Your Medicine is a weekend immersion into our deep connection with the Earth, with the elements, with Spirit, and an opportunity to get an Eagle's eye view of the Medicine Wheel.  We will be sitting in Council with the Sacred Fire, activating our divine genetics with Shamanic Acupuncture, making friends with the spirits of native plant medicines, eating local organic food, and even returning to the womb in a Sweat Lodge ceremony with Dr. Tudor Marinescu.

The Wheel is where East meets West, and the medicine traditions of the North meet the ancestral ways of the South.  In this Sacred Valley, the Eagle and Condor are prophesied to fly together, and the new Civilization is birthing as we speak.  During this weekend, we will listen deeply to the land, to our hearts, and reveal the Medicine that is all around and more importantly, within us.

This weekend is for you if:

• You have been feeling disconnected from the Earth, nature, Spirit. 
• You have a calling that has been on the back burner for too long.
• Something has told you that you are or have been a shaman...
• You are ready to move beyond old patterns of scarcity, separation, and suffering.  
• You've been in the city too long, and need a weekend sleeping on the Earth and living in ceremony.  

The intention is for this to be an intimate and powerful initiation into the Medicine Wheel journey, and all proceeds from this weekend will go to support the land, the Wheel, and it's stewards.  I have made it as affordable as possible, and if you are able to commit sooner than later, I can offer an additional 10% discount and a 2-pay  option.

Feb. 25th 1pm-Feb 27th 4pm
Cost: $400 (10% off until Feb. 18th; 2-pay option available on request.)
Includes all meals, and camping or yurt accomodations.  


Please see the Flyer for more details, and check out this video for a glimpse of the land...citrus is ABUNDANT!!

Come Find your Medicine, and Find You're Medicine...

Peace,

eric

 

What happens when you say YES??

It's what happens when you say Yes to that diamond that has been marinating in your deepest inner space for so long that you have almost forgotten it exists, or have almost convinced yourself it's actually just a lump of coal.

It's what happens when you see the light in your deepest moment of darkness and you choose to focus on that tiny glow, believe in it, watch it, feed it tiny twigs and dry grass until it begins to grow.

It's what happens when you actually listen to what is being asked of you and take advantage of all the cards that are stacked in your favor...

If you are like me, you have had moments of resisting the obvious, the easy road, the thing that everyone has been asking you to do, and your heart has been telling you to follow, and for some reason, you just weren't quite ready.

And if you are like me, and having a total moment of self-honesty, I can really see why I wasn't ready.

But I am now.

So, MOMENTUM is what happens the very moment the Wheel of your Destiny begins to turn, and the stars line up behind you and the ancestors prayers from generations ago begin to whisper in your ears and all of a sudden you are not "making thing happen," they are just happening...

When I said YES to the Ojai Medicine Wheel, it was in a moment when I really didn't even quite know what I was saying yes to anymore, but I knew that it was what I had to do.  It was, in a way, like taking my medicine.

Sometimes I prescribe people herbs and they don't take them...for weeks after the initial treatment.  And they come back, and things have shifted, but not much, and we do another treatment and slowly things move...but SLOWLY.  And then one day, they call me up ecstatic saying that things have really dramatically shifted and it's because they decided in a moment of desperation or surrender or illumination to take the medicine that was right in front of them the whole time.  Duh.  Ha!

So this is about taking your medicine, but first and foremost, about FINDING YOUR MEDICINE.  And as we all know, on some level, the best and truest medicine comes from within.  AND it just happens to be reflected all around you, in signs and faces and obstacles and weeds in the cracks of the sidewalk and animals in your backyard. 

It's about stepping onto your own path as a beginner.  Yes, your same path, but with raw, naked, infant eyes whose skin has just shed like the serpent, and they can barely stand the brilliance of the light so they just stare and blink and receive.  It's about vulnerability, allowing ourselves to be held, and a new level of TRUST that is authentic, not as the expert or the observer or the critic or the investigator, but as the devotee.

So then it must also be about DEVOTION.  What are you devoted to?  It goes beyond commitment and accountability and contracts to a place of complete faith…in yourself, in the Divine Mother, in the Great Spirit, and in that inner guidance on what you have come HERE to be.
 
It is with great humility and a childlike excitement that I am introducing the first module of the Medicine Wheel training program, the World of the Serpent.  The sacred Ojai valley is bursting with an early spring in celebration of my decision to say Yes, and I am eager to get out into the wild and holy places that are calling for our attention and adoration.

I am holding space for 10 brave pilgrims who are ready to begin again.  This is not about forgetting what you have learned, and I am not going to be sitting in the place of the “expert.”  This is about genuinely saying Yes to your purpose here, finding your Medicine, and unleashing your core potential so that you can move like the Serpent with the current moment..um…

I am going to be guiding you into your innermost sanctuaries, and into the Living Library of this pristine and noble valley, the “cradle of the new civilization” that the ancients blessed with the name of Ojai.   We will be accessing the divine genetic blueprint that will bring your Mission to the surface, and stoking the essential fire of transformation that will burn away all that is in the way of you living that Destiny.  And we will be learning to navigate this first direction, this first world, the place where we are most deeply rooted, and the place that will set us free:  the World of the Serpent.

This is the beginning of a journey around the Medicine Wheel, and a genuine, old-fashioned, upgraded Quest for the innermost TRUTH.

If this speaks to you, please visit the website for more information, and contact me as soon as possible for an application and to set up an interview.  (eric@ojaimedicinewheel.com)  This is an intimate training for the right group of adventurous spirits, and if you suspect you are one of them, if something inside of you is stirring, I strongly urge you to listen to that voice and take action. 

Because its all about the moment…um. 

This is an opportunity to make a fundamental choice to get out of survival mode, and Clear the Path for Right Relationship, because now more than ever, pardoxically, living our divine potential is a matter of survival...

 

"If you bring forth what is within you, what is within you will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what is within you will destroy you" -- gnostic gospels
 
Sending you sunshine from the sacred valley, whispers of orange blossoms and the glistening rumor of rain's perfume...

It's time to make time...and time to "Find you're Medicine."

 

Men's Council Fire and King's Day Pilgrimage

 

 "We have also come to this hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of Now.
This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism..."
Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Indeed, Now is a powerful time.  The beginning of the year, the beginning of our return towards the sun, the summer, the Light.  The first full moon of the year, and the season of celebrating the Great Work of a simple and courageous man by the name of King. 

From the heart of this Sacred Valley, under the watchful eye of our guardian mountain, Chief Peak, I have been hearing a message loud and clear.  It is a message of Truth, a message of Justice, a message of Activism, and a message of Peace.  

We are being called to march for Change, as our forefathers did nearly 50 years ago.  But this march is not against the system, not to the capital or to city hall.  This is an inner journey, one that asks us to remember the ancient art of pilgrimage, and to take ourselves OUT of the system, back into the embrace of Mother Nature. 

The Chief is sending a message: the Spirit of Chief Peak is calling to the Chief within.  Calling to the King, to the Queen, to that noble and courageous part of us that is ready for radical change, radical transformation, willing to speak up, ready to be a leader and to walk up the mountain beyond our own limitations to find that clear view of the horizon, the new day that is dawning. 

Sunday Night January 16th, at the Ojai Medicine Wheel, I will be hosting a Men's Council Fire for Chiefs and Kings, and those of us who aspire to live up to the legacy left to us by our forefathers.  These fires have grown quickly, and have become a stronghold for those brothers who are committed to walking this path of the Razor's Edge.  Please see the flyer attatched. 


Monday Morning January 17th, in observation the national Holy Day, we will gather at 8:30am and share a simple breakfast.  We will be departing from the Ojai Medicine Wheel at 9am and carrying our prayers for peace, justice, change, up the mountain to one of the most Sacred of sites in the Ojai Valley, Chief Peak.  Along the way, we will meet the indigenous plant spirits that will serve as our guides and offer us medicine, and learn to walk in the beauty way of the Medicine Wheel, such that on our return, our way of moving in the world is not only renewed, but revolutionized.   If you "have a Dream" this is the place and the time to speak it and let it "ring from every mountain side..."  Please see the flyer attatched. 

For anyone interested in doing both, camping and accomodations are available on request.  Spouses and partners are welcome to come Sunday night as well and enjoy the magic of the Ojai valley as the brothers keep the fire. 

I can honestly say that there has been no practice on my spiritual and journey that has proved more immediate and tangible transformation, clarity, and healing than pilgrimage.  It is without a doubt one of the best ways I know to get out of your own way, and let spirit guide and carry you. 

Thank you for the bright light you are in the world, and I look forward to walking up the mountain with those of you who are ready to  speak your Dreams in the presence of the Chief, the King, and the Queen of Nature.